"Mikeado" (mikeado)
10/28/2013 at 19:59 • Filed to: Movielopnik, LOLCARS, Ferrari California
4
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"Mikeado" (mikeado)
10/28/2013 at 19:59 • Filed to: Movielopnik, LOLCARS, Ferrari California | 4
| 12 |
I just watched The Road with my housemates, because one of them had just read the book. It's not the movie in question, but everyone knows that you can't just jump straight into what you're actually writing about, so I'm gonna waste your time for a paragraph with a pointless explanation of how I found the headline fact out, as an intro/build-up. The Road is an emotional drama with Viggo Mortensen, Charlize Theron and a kid who can pull that worrying son face that kid actors need if they're going to be in dramas, and how the father and son try to survive in a post-apocalyptic world while having flashbacks of dead mum Theron. It was pretty fucking bleak and kinda slow, TBH, but there was cannibalism so that was interesting.
So anyway, I was looking the movie up on IMDB afterwards and notice a related forum post titled " Cameron Diaz has Sex with a Car in 'The Counselor' — Analysis ," which linked !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . There isn't actually any analysis in said link - aside from another link to a full review - but what they do provide is all the dialogue from a scene in this seemingly so-bad-it's-almost-good movie which allows Javier Bardem to compare Cameron Diaz's vagina to a catfish on the wall of an aquarium as he recalls her orgasming on the windscreen of his Ferrari California. You can read it in the link, obviously, but here are some choice quotes from it:
Reiner [Bardem]: You remember that yellow California I had?
Counselor [Michael Facebender]: Sure, nice car
Reiner: Very nice car. Anyway, this was a while back, not that long, we’d been getting it on for a while and we came back one night. We were staying up at Cloudcroft. We drove out in the golf course and parked and were sitting there talking. And for no particular reason that I could see, she slides off her knickers and hands them to me and gets out of the car. I asked what she was doing and she says: 'I’m going to fuck your car.'
Counselor: Alright.
Malkina [Diaz] ( in flashback) : Leave the door open.
Reiner: So she goes around and climbs up on the hood of the Ferrari. And holds her dress up around her waist and spreads herself across the windshield in front of me. With no panties on. And she’s got this Brazilian wax job. Don’t, don’t even think I’m making this up – you can’t make this up. She was a dancer, so she does this full split, and then she starts running herself up and down on the glass, and she leans down, to see if I’m watching right now, as if I’m sitting there reading my email. And kisses me upside down and then she tells me this: I’m gonna come. I thought, well I’m losing my fucking mind, that’s what’s happening here. Really it was like one of those, one of those catfish things, you know, one of those bottom feeders you see going up the way of the aquarium sucking its way up the glass (makes popping sound with his mouth) Really it was ... hallucinatory. You see a thing like that, it changes you.
(...)
What I thought about it ... well, I don’t know what I thought about it, I mean, still don’t. It was too ... gynecological almost. But mostly I was just fucking stunned.
So yeah, I bet that was... fun for you to imagine too. You can decide whether this is a movie you want to see or not based on this.
TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 20:04 |
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I'll be in my bunk...
JayZAyEighty thinks C4+3=C7
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 20:08 |
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Again? Haha will see that movie.
pdthedeuce
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 20:08 |
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"The Road" is brutal .
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Mikeado
> pdthedeuce
10/28/2013 at 20:10 |
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It certainly is. Apparently it's more graphic in places in the book. I do not want to read the book.
Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 20:11 |
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I'll just leave this here...
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Mikeado
> Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire
10/28/2013 at 20:19 |
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It's... changed me.
Blondude
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 20:21 |
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The picture this painted in my mind...
Dear God.
wilsel
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 20:26 |
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Saw it over the weekend. Wasn't as bad a movie as the reviewers would lead you to believe. That scene though, you get a top down view, and a split second shot of her ass. Needless to say she still looks great from that point of view.
50ford500
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 20:50 |
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Sure it sounds up, interesting but in all truth; I'd really just end up being pissed off if there was damage to the car....
maximillious
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 21:45 |
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Ill just leave this here
Tom McParland
> Mikeado
10/28/2013 at 22:31 |
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I met Cameron Diaz once...for like 2 seconds. I was snowboarding in CO when my instructor introduced me to her. She said "hi" then zoomed off. Still pretty cool.
Jeff-God-of-Biscuits
> TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
10/29/2013 at 01:03 |
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Sure thing Jane.